Trying something new, part II

We've now had some time to improve our daily structure and see what works and what doesn't. As I suspected the plan I originally made was a bit too strict, so we've made some adjustments. Basically as before the normal work hours are dedicated to the kids and our home for me, while my hubby is at work. But then instead of working when he gets home I get some time to do something for me - it can be Bible reading, praying, exercising, going for a walk alone etc to reload my batteries and then we spend some time together. We'll get the kids ready for bed and when they sleep J and I will spend some time just the two of us, talking and just hanging out together. This is a super important detail that sort of got left out in the original plan trying to be efficient... Then J will go to bed and I will spend some time working and then go to bed. I am going to try to not go to bed later than 11 pm - work or no work. I've noticed that at the end of the work day right before J comes home I am pretty tired and longing for a quiet moment with some rest and this new plan gives me just that before I have to work. It also means that when it's time for work our home is really quiet and it gets easier for me to focus without interruptions. Doing theoretical work in the evening kind of suits me anyway. I often started on homework assignments late at night when I did my undergraduate program. Back then I could stay up all night, but that together with my performance anxiety was also what threw me head first into that infamous brick wall of stress and probably contributed to my digestive issues as well so will try my best not to go there. I'm way to old for those habits now anyway. ;) The best part of our new daily structure is that J goes to bed much earlier than before and I've already noticed a huge difference in his mood and patience which is great. He's also said that he feels things are going in the right direction so that's good.

Birthdays! :)

Yesterday was my birthday and today is Levi's birthday. I feel the same way this time as I did with Noah - I can't believe how time flies and at the same time it feels like Levi has always been a part of our life. Last year I went into labor a little after midnight on my birthday and went to the maternity ward at the hospital in the evening. I started opening a bit but things still progressed slowly enough for me to have my "planned" c-section the next morning. I love how special it feels to have this memory of going into labor on my birthday and that Levi still got his own birthday and didn't have to share it with me. :)

French twist

I tried a new hairstyle today called French twist (French rope braid). I thought it was really cute and easy to do. Here's my version:



You can find a tutorial on it here.

Trying something new

I thrive with routine and firm boundaries but at the same time I tend to get very irregular and unstructured habits when I don't have a schedule imposed on me. Having spent a few years on medical leave, working sparingly from my home and then being on maternity leave I haven't had a set schedule for a very long time. And I've felt more and more lately that I need one. Becoming a mom and having children to look after, who need sleep, food, fresh air and playtime has meant a huge improvement. I am forced to put someone else's needs before my own, and have routines for the children. But I feel I still need more as I feel a constant stress about things that never seem to get done because I get caught up in something I'm doing, and then I find my mind is often wandering and it's hard to stay focused and present.

I also have a wonderful husband who usually takes care of the kids in the morning before he goes to work and on weekend mornings to let me sleep late if I want to. After my years with digestive issues and stress from that I don't cope well with sleep deprivation at all so that's meant a lot to me and my overall energy level. Luckily for me I never really suffered from a lot of sleep deprivation when my children were newborns since we co-sleep and I've breastfed them lying in bed. And when they've been big enough to start eating solids my wonderful hubby has taken care of them and let me sleep. I know this is becoming increasingly rough on him though, so I really really want to be the one who gets up early in the morning and then get more structure to my days to make sure everything runs as smoothly as possible in our home. I also want to be structured with my work time to make sure I really get something done. And I want to make sure I get time for praying and Bible reading daily. That is so important, but it's something that can tend to just be forgotten in the midst of everything else going on in day-to-day life. So last Sunday I sat down and made a schedule for my days to try out. I kept it pretty simple, deciding that the basis of the schedule that would make everything else work was going to bed early. I would then get up early, preferably before the kids wake up and have some time alone with my Bible and then I'd have breakfast and take care of the kids. Then my day would consist of walking N to and from preschool, making lunch, snacks, going for walks, household chores and making dinner before my husband gets home. Then we'd eat and my husband would look after the kids while I work for a couple of hours and then we'd get the kids ready for bed, shower, maybe have a snack and then go to bed. I also made a chore schedule to make sure everything would get done, but not too much on any one day.

Yes, it all looked so good in theory... So how did I do? Well I did some of it but a lot of things didn't happen according to plan. N needed to be home from preschool since he needed a few days extra to bounce back completely from a cold. And he's started to wake up annoyingly early - like 4.30-5 instead of 6-7. And L is teething plus I am in the process of weaning him completely from breast milk. He only eats solids during the days now, but still has breast milk once or a few times a night. So this week started off with L being cranky and keeping me awake, I had a restless body and then N woke up really early. I got out of bed after about 3 hours of sleep and I felt like a wreck. The rest of the week hubs has taken the kids in the morning and though he has gone to bed at a decent time it still hasn't been early enough and I have had a hard time falling asleep and gone to bed late a couple of nights too. It is really annoying since I usually don't have any problems with sleep. I stuck with my cleaning schedule two of the 4 days and managed to make dinner on time 2 of the days. As for work I did read a bit but not at all to the extent I had planned to. My usual reaction would be to judge myself and kick myself for failing but I am not going to do that this time. After all it's a new routine and I know I have improved a lot comparing with my early days as a mom. I'll continue to improve. This might sound really silly to someone who hasn't been close to a stress related collapse but it is serious stuff. Judging myself will not get me closer to my goals. I need to just learn from my mistakes and experiences and keep trying. :) I will give this schedule a try for a few weeks and make changes as needed. Every step in the right direction is success to me. Next week will be a bit of a break from the schedule too since we'll go home to my mom and spend a few days there for Easter and to celebrate mine and L's birthdays.

Now it's very late and I need to go to bed. Obviously not following the schedule there... :D

Coming soon...

I have decided to take up blogging again and this time in English. Very busy at the moment though, so posts may not be very frequent. We'll see what happens.

Det har minsann hänt mycket...

...sedan jag skrev här sist. Vi har flyttat till ny större lägenhet, Noah har hunnit bli nästan 2 år och börjar prata riktigt bra och han har också för ett par veckor sedan blivit storebror till den här lille prinsen som heter Levi. :)

Bibelkontraster

I min egen bibelläsningsplan befinner jag mig just nu bland profeterna. Så där har jag grottat omkring ett tag nu på sistone hos Jeremia och Hesekiel. Det har gått ganska långsamt helt enkelt för att jag inte klarar av att läsa för mycket om hemska domar på en gång. När man läser att Gud skulle vilja utsätta människor för hemskheter så man vrider sig av obehag när man läser om det då börjar man ju fundera en del. Senaste kvällarna har jag avslutat med NT-läsning innan jag somnar och det ger en så totalt motsatt känsla inombords. Man undrar ju hur det egentligen går ihop - alla de där hemskheterna som räknas upp i GT, tillsammans med den totala kärleken presenterad i Jesus. Läste för ett bra tag sedan nu lite på den amerikanska pastorn Gregory Boyds blogg där han resonerade kring detta. Det sista jag läste av honom där var att han kommit fram till att det kanske faktiskt är så att dessa beskrivningar av Gud i GT finns där just för att vi ska fundera och för att vi ska inse att vi själva tycker det är alltför hemskt och att om Gud är så mycket mer kärlek än vi människor så kan Han inte vara på det sättet. Det kan inte vara Hans vilja. Lite så. Veta kan vi ju förstås inte just här och nu. Men det vi vet som Bibeln faktiskt säger (Heb 1:3) är att Jesus är en avbild av Guds väsen. Och Jesus Han är allt annat än den bild man kan få av Gud utifrån domarna i GT.

För övrigt har jag väldigt svårt att förstå att det finns så många som tycks mer upptagna med att hävda sig själva och peka ut vilka andra som inte kommer till himlen o.s.v. än med att fundera över den egna resan dit och om man verkligen förstått poängen. Vad vore det för positivt med att få snarare än många får komma till himlen? Inget alls. Dessutom inser man ju att ju smalare man gör porten till himlen desto större är risken att man själv inte kommer in om man råkar hamna lite på tvären i livet.